Why Fundamentalism, Patriarchy and the Duggars matter to school educators.
I grew up in a highly conservative, religious manner. My paternal grandparents are practicing 7th Day Adventist and my grandfather has been a minister my entire life. We were taught to fear God and to be obedient without question. I dutifully participated in the church for my first 16 years. Then I discovered that the church and the people in it were going to try to control my interest in boys. That's what got me to really get out. Thankfully, during the time I did participate in the church my mother was always the voice of feminism, free will, resistance and any other thing that per the church was guaranteeing my eternal damnation. I went back briefly in my early thirties but found that I had more questions than belief. Of course no one wanted the questions. I was even accused of being too educated because those college courses were encouraging me to question the all knowing, almighty, vengeful, jealous God. Yup, I had too many degrees.
When I relocated to Oregon, we begun attending a Baptist church that was lead by a doctor. He too held a doctoral degree but his was in divinity. I thought I had finally found someone who could and would respond to my many, many questions about God, religion, faith, etc. I set up an appointment to meet with him but not too far into our meeting I saw the same look on his face I had gotten from the fundamentalist who previously discouraged my questioning. He too wanted me to give into unquestioning belief, patriarchy, submission and blind belief. We stopped going to that church soon after.
A few years later we found another Baptist church lead by an older man with a doctorate. He seemed more willing to engage and his sermons were much more real. Unfortunately he passed away not long after we began attending. The person they brought in, from Ohio, was sketchy from the onset. He was not shy about his patriarchy often talking about his family. All of the children were homeschooled. Even though his wife is younger than I, she looked older and there wasn't much of an essence to her. She was, simply, a woman of God but that didn't radiate from her. She was submissive, dutiful and a believer. I was willing to continue attending until the pastor talked my partner into being baptized, something that I did not agree with. Baptism is not to be taken lightly and I knew that he was not walking in or living a fully Christian life. The baptism happened anyways. I cried the whole time. I was hugged by other women in the church who thought I was crying tears of joy but they were tears of anger for something I felt had been rushed. But, that was just my opinion. We continued attending until this pastor pulled me aside to tell me that I needed to be in dresses and I needed to practice being a more submissive woman to my man. We stopped attending. The pastor called me to check on me and I promptly put him in his place. I may have used some foul language that he didn't appreciate.
What does all of this have to do with the Duggars and school educators? Quite a bit actually. As educators we are mandatory reporters who have to be trained every year to recognize and report abuse (physical, mental, emotional, and sexual) as well as neglect. Every video that I have ever watched then been quizzed on focuses on clear outer evidence of abuse that I have 24 hours to report. Not one single training in my 20 years in education have I been trained to look for the effects of fundamentalism and patriarchy on young females.
My first year of teaching I taught third graders. In my class I had a young lady whose family were practicing Jehova's Witness. The mother attacked me for being a devil worshipper when I hung up cute Halloween themed decorations in my classroom. She didn't appreciate that I was exposing her child to such evil ways. I never asked her daughter to stand for the pledge or to participate in any activity that made her feel uncomfortable but I had 17 other students that held different beliefs so I could center my classroom around the one. I remember we had cupcakes for someone's birthday one day. This little girl was not supposed to participate in any type of celebration. She knew it and I knew it. Yet, she wanted a cupcake like all the other children. At 8 years old, she didn't have the cognitive or emotional maturity necessary to understand why her belief systems required her to abstain. She felt punished for the imposition of adult beliefs onto her. She was angry and she acted out. I saw myself reflected in that child. I re-experience the shame for not being perfectly pious and the fear of the wrath of a vengeful God should I eat the said cupcake. Teaching a child to live in a constant state of shame and fear is not loving, it is abusive. I am now an adult working through that programming but it creeps in often. I have to fight it as a highly educated accomplished, intelligent woman and I struggle. Think of what a child of 6 or 7 or 8 must feel.
About two years ago I became overly interested in the psychology and pathology of the FLDS. It all started from my interest in another TLC show, Sister Wives. I read several of the books written by the women who managed to escape. Once again, I recognized the fear, shame and control that is exercised by fundamentalist religions that value a patriarchal system. I was glad that my home state of Texas relied on some of these women to help with the children that were picked up from the compound in El Dorado. Unfortunately, the children and women had so internalized the fundamental beliefs that the efforts of the Texas Department of Human Services met a lot of barriers. Children were so fearful of anything and anyone outside of their "church" that they lied, manipulated or became violent towards those who were trying to assist them. Even if these children had been placed in Texas schools they would have had a difficult time adapting. They would have been prime targets for bullying because they were different, naive, not familiar with mainstream culture and in need of significant supports. I don't know that Texas schools were truly prepared to meet the needs of the FLDS kids.
I don't know what the next step is for the Duggar children. They are homeschooled so I don't know the level of their academic skills. Until recently, they were mostly home schooled by Jessa (currently 20 years old). I don't know how academically sound Jessa may be. She is said to be a great organizer who is great at math because she packs for all of the family's trips. This requires a lot of calculations to know how much to pack. Either way, she was the primary teacher rather than Michelle, the mother. Michelle has actually lamented a few times on camera that she doesn't know who will take Jessa's place since she was so good at what she did. Um, how about you? You had all the kids! I would refer you to this great article that talks about the burdens that older children after bear in such a situation: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2012/02/carefully-scripted-lives-my-concerns-about-the-duggars.html
Should any of the Duggar children be placed in foster care due to an investigation (highly unlikely), would Arkansas schools be prepared to serve them? Would they be prepared to transition the children to a traditional public school setting given that they have only been home schooled? Who would work with the children on their social/emotional skills? I've only ever seen them socialize with one another. Every now and then they socialize with children from families that have the exact same belief system as their own. Not once have I seen them socialize with a person of color. While the children appear to be quite outgoing, would that be the case if they attended a public school were the ways of the world are everywhere all the time? It would be up to educators to assist them in making such a transition.
What about the girls specifically? They are used to complying and deferring. Schools like that because we equate that with good behavior. They younger girls have not been subjected to molestation that we are aware of at this time. The girls that experience the molestation are beyond school age. Will they speak out about their experience? That's doubtful. The fact that Jessa's father-in-law has come out in support of the family guarantees that Jessa will comply to patriarchy. If she was molested by Josh and wanted to speak her truth, she now cannot because her husband's father has professed support which means she must now demure to him, her husband, her father and her brother. None of the other girls will speak out either because to do so may condemn their salvation.
The Duggar case has weighed heavily since I first saw the headline I so desperately wanted to be false. It reminded me about the neglect that is experienced in fundamental, patriarchal religions. I remembered being scolded and punished for being a child (running, playing, laughing) while my grandfather was in the other room speaking to God about what he should preach. I recalled how I was shamed and told I would go to hell for interrupting such a sacred process. I remember how my needs were sacrificed to do the work of the church. Long, long hours of God's work that didn't account for my being tired or hungry or in need of attention. My request to have any need met often resulting in shaming and a stern reminder of how I would go to hell. That's emotional and mental abuse. I wonder about the kids on Sister Wives but am encouraged by the fact that there are four moms, the older children don't seem to bear parental responsibilities, they are open to other lifestyles and the women don't really submit to Kody.
I would never want to stop anyone from actively living by their belief system. However, I would advocate for more extensive training for educators to recognize the impact of fundamentalist religions on children. I would also advocate for training about how patriarchy impacts young women. More importantly, school systems would need to know how to approach each case in a sensitive, respectful manner while still putting the mental and emotional well being of children first.
When I relocated to Oregon, we begun attending a Baptist church that was lead by a doctor. He too held a doctoral degree but his was in divinity. I thought I had finally found someone who could and would respond to my many, many questions about God, religion, faith, etc. I set up an appointment to meet with him but not too far into our meeting I saw the same look on his face I had gotten from the fundamentalist who previously discouraged my questioning. He too wanted me to give into unquestioning belief, patriarchy, submission and blind belief. We stopped going to that church soon after.
A few years later we found another Baptist church lead by an older man with a doctorate. He seemed more willing to engage and his sermons were much more real. Unfortunately he passed away not long after we began attending. The person they brought in, from Ohio, was sketchy from the onset. He was not shy about his patriarchy often talking about his family. All of the children were homeschooled. Even though his wife is younger than I, she looked older and there wasn't much of an essence to her. She was, simply, a woman of God but that didn't radiate from her. She was submissive, dutiful and a believer. I was willing to continue attending until the pastor talked my partner into being baptized, something that I did not agree with. Baptism is not to be taken lightly and I knew that he was not walking in or living a fully Christian life. The baptism happened anyways. I cried the whole time. I was hugged by other women in the church who thought I was crying tears of joy but they were tears of anger for something I felt had been rushed. But, that was just my opinion. We continued attending until this pastor pulled me aside to tell me that I needed to be in dresses and I needed to practice being a more submissive woman to my man. We stopped attending. The pastor called me to check on me and I promptly put him in his place. I may have used some foul language that he didn't appreciate.
What does all of this have to do with the Duggars and school educators? Quite a bit actually. As educators we are mandatory reporters who have to be trained every year to recognize and report abuse (physical, mental, emotional, and sexual) as well as neglect. Every video that I have ever watched then been quizzed on focuses on clear outer evidence of abuse that I have 24 hours to report. Not one single training in my 20 years in education have I been trained to look for the effects of fundamentalism and patriarchy on young females.
My first year of teaching I taught third graders. In my class I had a young lady whose family were practicing Jehova's Witness. The mother attacked me for being a devil worshipper when I hung up cute Halloween themed decorations in my classroom. She didn't appreciate that I was exposing her child to such evil ways. I never asked her daughter to stand for the pledge or to participate in any activity that made her feel uncomfortable but I had 17 other students that held different beliefs so I could center my classroom around the one. I remember we had cupcakes for someone's birthday one day. This little girl was not supposed to participate in any type of celebration. She knew it and I knew it. Yet, she wanted a cupcake like all the other children. At 8 years old, she didn't have the cognitive or emotional maturity necessary to understand why her belief systems required her to abstain. She felt punished for the imposition of adult beliefs onto her. She was angry and she acted out. I saw myself reflected in that child. I re-experience the shame for not being perfectly pious and the fear of the wrath of a vengeful God should I eat the said cupcake. Teaching a child to live in a constant state of shame and fear is not loving, it is abusive. I am now an adult working through that programming but it creeps in often. I have to fight it as a highly educated accomplished, intelligent woman and I struggle. Think of what a child of 6 or 7 or 8 must feel.
About two years ago I became overly interested in the psychology and pathology of the FLDS. It all started from my interest in another TLC show, Sister Wives. I read several of the books written by the women who managed to escape. Once again, I recognized the fear, shame and control that is exercised by fundamentalist religions that value a patriarchal system. I was glad that my home state of Texas relied on some of these women to help with the children that were picked up from the compound in El Dorado. Unfortunately, the children and women had so internalized the fundamental beliefs that the efforts of the Texas Department of Human Services met a lot of barriers. Children were so fearful of anything and anyone outside of their "church" that they lied, manipulated or became violent towards those who were trying to assist them. Even if these children had been placed in Texas schools they would have had a difficult time adapting. They would have been prime targets for bullying because they were different, naive, not familiar with mainstream culture and in need of significant supports. I don't know that Texas schools were truly prepared to meet the needs of the FLDS kids.
I don't know what the next step is for the Duggar children. They are homeschooled so I don't know the level of their academic skills. Until recently, they were mostly home schooled by Jessa (currently 20 years old). I don't know how academically sound Jessa may be. She is said to be a great organizer who is great at math because she packs for all of the family's trips. This requires a lot of calculations to know how much to pack. Either way, she was the primary teacher rather than Michelle, the mother. Michelle has actually lamented a few times on camera that she doesn't know who will take Jessa's place since she was so good at what she did. Um, how about you? You had all the kids! I would refer you to this great article that talks about the burdens that older children after bear in such a situation: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2012/02/carefully-scripted-lives-my-concerns-about-the-duggars.html
Should any of the Duggar children be placed in foster care due to an investigation (highly unlikely), would Arkansas schools be prepared to serve them? Would they be prepared to transition the children to a traditional public school setting given that they have only been home schooled? Who would work with the children on their social/emotional skills? I've only ever seen them socialize with one another. Every now and then they socialize with children from families that have the exact same belief system as their own. Not once have I seen them socialize with a person of color. While the children appear to be quite outgoing, would that be the case if they attended a public school were the ways of the world are everywhere all the time? It would be up to educators to assist them in making such a transition.
What about the girls specifically? They are used to complying and deferring. Schools like that because we equate that with good behavior. They younger girls have not been subjected to molestation that we are aware of at this time. The girls that experience the molestation are beyond school age. Will they speak out about their experience? That's doubtful. The fact that Jessa's father-in-law has come out in support of the family guarantees that Jessa will comply to patriarchy. If she was molested by Josh and wanted to speak her truth, she now cannot because her husband's father has professed support which means she must now demure to him, her husband, her father and her brother. None of the other girls will speak out either because to do so may condemn their salvation.
The Duggar case has weighed heavily since I first saw the headline I so desperately wanted to be false. It reminded me about the neglect that is experienced in fundamental, patriarchal religions. I remembered being scolded and punished for being a child (running, playing, laughing) while my grandfather was in the other room speaking to God about what he should preach. I recalled how I was shamed and told I would go to hell for interrupting such a sacred process. I remember how my needs were sacrificed to do the work of the church. Long, long hours of God's work that didn't account for my being tired or hungry or in need of attention. My request to have any need met often resulting in shaming and a stern reminder of how I would go to hell. That's emotional and mental abuse. I wonder about the kids on Sister Wives but am encouraged by the fact that there are four moms, the older children don't seem to bear parental responsibilities, they are open to other lifestyles and the women don't really submit to Kody.
I would never want to stop anyone from actively living by their belief system. However, I would advocate for more extensive training for educators to recognize the impact of fundamentalist religions on children. I would also advocate for training about how patriarchy impacts young women. More importantly, school systems would need to know how to approach each case in a sensitive, respectful manner while still putting the mental and emotional well being of children first.
